Seems So Slow
by Unkillable Cockroach
Summary: Wally West, more commonly known as the Flash, is thrown into the world of shinobi. With a mix of ninjas and creepy red cloud dress people, the speedster finds himself stuck in a bigger mess then he had bargained for. All he wants is to get the hell home..
1. Chapter 1

-1**Seem so Slow**

No matter what the situation, waking up in a pile of dirt was never welcome.

Wally found this out the hard way, spitting out what tasted like mud onto the ground and sitting up painfully. At least, he hoped it was mud and not any other certain brown substance he could think of or that would just be disgusting.

The sun was beating rather nastily onto his face, and he could feel the familiar grittiness of dirt inside his usual pristine costume. Grimacing, he stood up- promptly bashing his scalp into a branch.

"Ugh. What the hell?"

That was when he realised he had woken up inside a _forest_, a friggin' _forest_, not just any friggin' _forest_, but some massive one with- with _trees _and everything! He could've sworn he had seen some sort of snake wind itself up a particularly thick branch and _whoa_, he didn't even know scorpions could come in that size!

This had better be a dream.

Of course, if it _was _a dream, that Swedish bikini team- Wally never really gave up on that- would be arriving just about _now _to keep him company. After all, Wally West was an optimist, and nothing would stop him hoping.

Several tense seconds past.

Wally sighed. He had never been known as a patient man- heck, were _any _of the past speedsters known as patient?- and being stuck in an unknown forest in unknown coordinates was not helping. At least at other times, he had ol' Bats telling him and the other members of the League where they were and what to do.

Now he was alone.

He shivered.

No, now was not the time to be pitying himself, he had to think of a way to get back. When he did, he'll go bother Green Lantern and Superman for a bit, maybe even Batman if he was feeling lucky. Then he'll drink an iced mocha or a dozen before going on his daily jog around the world.

Then everything would be back to normal.

Wally closed his eyes and remembered.

He had been fighting that Brainiac-Luthor thing, and then he had felt a sickening feeling of unease and cold run over him The feeling of death. The feeling of _anticipating death. _

In those dark moments, he had unconsciously reached out- _reached out for what? Comfort? Hope? A reason to keep hoping? _He had not really expected anything to answer to him, but something had. A nagging white brilliance had touched his mind, and at that moment, he had latched onto it- and clung on.

Everything had been a blur from there.

He remembered glimpses of the Indian Ocean, some beach in Tahiti, the Pyramids as he sped at unbelievable speeds through them. He remembered seeing Luthor's shocked face as he pounded him into the ground.

Then nothing.

Wally groaned loudly and opened his eyes. _Well, that was useful. _Uncle Barry, the previous Flash, had always told him that nothing good ever came with messing with the Speed Force. Okay, so maybe he had done a lot of stupid things in his life. Like somehow getting doused in chemicals and getting struck by lightning, irreversibly turning him into a speedster in the first place. And that time when he had accidentally blown up part of the Batcave. Or that time when he _accidentally-on-purposely _groped Wonder Woman during one of their friendly spars.

He winced at the memory. His arms could still feel the pain from that one.

Anyways, nothing permanently bad had happened to him from the prior misadventures. Nothing like this.

At that moment, a soft crunching of a leaf alerted Wally that he wasn't alone. He spun around, fully expecting to see scantily clad female bodies, hopefully all bearing some kind of food or beverage. He was starting to feel hungry.

Instead, he saw a moody looking red head with coal rimmed eyes. He was carrying a massive gourd on his back and was currently glaring at Wally like he wanted to fry him and then eat him for breakfast.

"Hey! You're not Swedish!" Wally said, disappointed. So much for a dream then.

"Who. **ARE. **You." The red head growled- he actually growled!- at him. Practically everything about the kid screamed super villain. That can't be good.

Wally grinned nervously at him. He was good with kids, or so he had been told. This could work out. "I'm the Flash!" At that, he zipped over and ruffled the kid's hair. Huh. It felt a bit sandy but whatever. He zipped back. "You know, the Fastest Man alive."

That would've actually looked cool, if it weren't for the fact that Wally suddenly tripped over his own feet and crashed onto the ground. He took a tree or two with him. After all, running at almost the speed of sound and then tripping was _never _a good idea.

Wally glanced, bemused at his feet. He had never tripped- ok, never tripped on his own accord- in his life as the Flash. His eyes widened at the culprit- his own friggin' _costume. _

The offending material was hanging loose around his ankles and at his knees. Actually, scratch that, it was loose everywhere, at his arms, shoulders, hell, even at his _crotch. _Somehow, he had shrunk in the record of two seconds.

…Yeah, today wasn't a good day.

Wally noticed that his body was now as scrawny as it was when he was Kid Flash. Which only left two options- he had magically deaged or had somehow ran so fast, he was now in the past.

Both options kinda sucked. Wally made a note to himself never to tap into the Speed Force again unless he was totally screwed. Actually, he was kinda screwed _now, _but that wasn't the point.

By now, the weird red head, raccoon-eyed kid was gone. Instead, there was the tree that Wally had knocked over previously, lying dismally over the spot the kid was before.

The speedster's eyes bulged slightly. "Oh my god!" He sped over to the tree, breathing a sigh of relief at the lack of flattened body- or any body for that matter.

Then something grabbed his ankle.

Wally fell flat on his face for the second time in five minutes. The taste of dirt on his tongue was becoming quite familiar and he was beginning to dislike whatever dimension he had gotten himself stuck in.

As he was getting hoisted into the air by his leg, he thought he didn't really like the situation either.

Whatever that had grabbed his foot had him in a rather strong grip. Wally glanced down at his ankle and boggled at what looked like a stream of _sand _wrapped around it, levitating in the air. The speedster's eyes crept slowly down the sand…only to meet the murderous gaze of Raccoon-Redhead.

Okay. He had been in stranger situations. He had once switched minds with Lex Luthor. He was best friends with a bunch of aliens. He had seen Batman _laugh. _Compared to those, this was nothing.

Maybe the kid just didn't like getting his hair ruffled.

"Um…You mind letting go?" The grip tightened. "Okay then…never mind."

Wally instinctively vibrated his foot at a superhuman frequency. He felt the sand heat up around his ankle and he was dropped a good metre onto his head. To add to the injury, shards of glass shattered around him, narrowly missing his face.

"Ow! Rotten little-" The speedster took a deep breath. He was pretty sure swearing in front of a kid wasn't good for his awesome-as-hell superhero image. "Who the hell are you anyway? Think you're some kinda ninja?"

"Gaara of the Sands," Raccoon-Redhead said, punctuating it with a glare. "_Don't forget that." _

"Uh…okay." Like he could.

At that moment, another kid with his face painted like something out of the speedster's worst nightmares appeared. He was dressed in a stupid looking black cloak thing- but that wasn't what caught Wally's attention in the first place. It was the dead body tied to his back that scared him.

"You-" The kid turned and saw Wally. He immediately turned back to Gaara. "Gaara! Don't kill him! You had your fun already!"

"Kankuro." Gaara hissed. "_Don't get in my way. Or I'll kill you too." _

Kill? Wally blanched. Definitely a super villain.

"Er, hate to interrupt your conversation and everything. But, you know, busy guy and everything, people to meet, places to run to. Maybe I'll see you around. Or not." Wally laughed nervously. No, he was _not _running away, he would rather _die _then tarnish the reputation of the Flash with the word cowardice. He would just maybe contact the authorities, figure out what dimension he was in, discipline the kids a bit, and go home. No biggie.

Of course, it was easier said then done. The words had barely left his mouth before a massive gust of wind blew him into a tree, and a very attractive blonde girl appeared from behind a bush. She was hefting a large fan- _where do people get these things?- _and had a scowl on her face.

The scarlet speedster picked himself off the ground, internally swearing. Admittedly, she was hot, but _damn, _that tree hurt! Now he was probably going to spend the next few days or so picking splinters out of his back.

"Temari." Gaara snarled at the blonde. She immediately lowered her fan. "That was _my _prey."

And the sand began to edge its way towards the girl.

Now, Wally liked to think himself as a ladies' man, chivalrous and a superhero as he was. He had found out the hard way what the sand could do and he didn't really like the thought that the same thing was going to happen to the girl.

That was why he found himself zipping towards her at the speed of sound, yanking her away a millisecond before the sand could crush her.

"Hey, beautiful," he grinned at her. "Wanna ditch these losers and grab some lunch while we're at it?"

She stared, open mouthed, at him for approximately two seconds. Then she punched him in the face.

Wally swore, dropping her, bringing both hands to his nose which was now spouting blood like a fountain. He pinched his nose frantically, only succeeding in staining his hands. His super speed healing hadn't stopped the flow yet, which meant she had a hell of a right hook.

"Wud was dat for?" he gasped, glaring through watering eyes at the trio. One was expressionless, one was smug, and the last was openly laughing.

The speedster bristled. No one laughed at _him!_

"I think he likes you," Kankuro, was it?-snickered.

"Hmph." The blonde sneered at Wally. "These _losers_ are my brothers, idiot."

"Guh," Wally managed intelligently. "Dun do dat."

"What?"

"Smile." Ah, his super speed healing had finally kicked in. He was starting to get worried there.

"_..What?" _

"You look better when you smile."

Wally took advantage of her flabbergasted look to run off, not without leaving a rose in her hand. There. That'll teach her not to punch him in the face.


	2. Chapter 2

…**I can't believe I forgot the disclaimer. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable. The end. **

**Seems so Slow**

**Chapter 2**

Approximately five seconds later, Wally concluded that he had no idea where he was. He had ran out of the god forsaken forest, lapped a village, then a desert, then had doubled back into the village in case he ended up running out of energy in the middle of an ocean or something.

Speaking of energy, he was _starving, _and for the hundredth time, the scarlet speedster cursed his fast metabolism. He had to eat something _fast, _otherwise he would risk fainting, and that was kinda bad for his reputation.

His stomach growled in agreement.

Wally was pretty sure he hadn't eaten for… he had no idea. He didn't know how long he had been lying unconscious, on the forest floor for, and that could range anywhere from hours to _years. _Wally was also pretty sure someone would have noticed a kid in a bright red outfit with a lightning bolt emblazoned on his chest, lying in the middle of a forest, so that cancelled out the "_years" _idea. He settled for about a day. Yeah, he didn't eat for about a day. That seemed right.

His stomach gurgled uncomfortably again, and the speedster was reminded forcibly of the matter at hand. _Me Flash. Me eat food now or me die. _

He thought he remembered passing what looked like Mt Rushmore in this place somewhere- although he thought Lincoln looked slightly more odd then usual- good, which meant he was somewhere in South Dakota. Wally couldn't think of a single place in America which didn't have a McDonalds, and he felt like he could eat about forty or so Big Macs. Maybe even sixty if he was feeling up to it.

He was beginning to regret travelling at such high speeds just moments later. His legs were beginning to feel wobbly- never a good sign. His vision was beginning to blur- also not a good sign.

…Come on! Where _was _Mcdonalds when you needed one?

Wally had slowed down to a normal stroll now, making his way through the village at what he felt was a disgustingly slow pace. What was he, a slug? Dammit, he needed food.

He closed his eyes and sniffed at the air. A tantalising smell was filling the air now, and Wally hoped it wasn't a delusion made by his food deprived mind. Well, it couldn't be, since he was seeing the very source of the smell- a ramen stand with a man busily making broth behind it. Wait, that had better not be a delusion either.

Wally sat down next to a man with _incredibly _stupid looking silver hair, and glanced at the menu. Saliva was beginning to gather inside his mouth, and if he wasn't careful, he would start drooling.

"Dude, gimme thirty of the… big ones!" He said, gesticulating at the picture. "Please," he added as an afterthought.

"Hoh! If you can finish thirty of them- you can get them for free!" The old man winked at him, and Wally felt as if his day was finally beginning to improve. Which was saying something, seeing as Wally had just got sucked into an alternate dimension, _de-aged, _got attacked by crazed supervillains, and was starving to death on his feet.

"Heh, I'm not called the Fastest Man Alive for nothing!" The speedster smirked at the man, who turned to tend at the broth.

"Naruto," the silver-haired man next to Wally said exasperatedly. "Aren't you meant to be at the Chuunin Exams?"

"Uh, what?" Wally said blankly. A steaming bowl of ramen was promptly set in front of him, and he slurped down half in one go. "Hush Nawudo?"

"Never mind," said Silver-hair quickly, before he could get sprayed with more bits of flying noodle. "You just remind me of someone I know."

"Er, okay then?" Wally gave a massive swallow. Must be a pretty cool guy then. Maybe he would even give the guy an autograph.

"So, who are you?" Silver-hair said conversationally. "I haven't seen you around before."

"Yeah, well," Wally shrugged. "I just felt like dropping in." _From another dimension. Coz you know, that__'__s what superhero__'__s do. _

Silver-hair nodded, picking at his chin idly and lifting his cup of tea to his mouth. "Oh, really…Anything bring you to Konoha specifically?"

"Er…" Wally could've sworn the guy had just said _Konoha _instead of _South Dakota. _Wait, that couldn't be a coincidence, they sounded nothing alike! "There's the sights," the speedster began hopefully, gesticulating with his chopsticks at a couple of dismal trees twitching in the distance. "And there's the ladies." He pointed vaguely at the closest female- who happened to be the most butch woman Wally had ever seen. She growled menacingly at him, and the speedster instinctively shuddered. "…Yeah," he finished lamely.

Silver-hair gave him a long look. Wally shifted uncomfortably in his seat- the guy had nothing on Bat glares, but he was getting there. "I see," Silver-hair said finally. He stood up, left a few coins on the table and placed his now empty cup down. Then he pulled an obnoxiously grey mask over his nose- Wally internally scoffed, what's the point, he'd already seen the guy's face!- and walked away.

The speedster breathed a sigh of relief. Silver-hair was starting to creep Wally out.

So, first things first. Wally slurped up the dregs of his twelfth bowl. He had to gather information on what dimension it was in. Wally never was the information-gathering kind of guy, he was more the hit-and-run type. He left that kind of job for Bats, since, let's face it, Bats, to say the least, knew everything.

"Hey man," the speedster spoke around his mouthful. The ramen man plonked several more bowls in front of him and looked at him expectantly. "We're in _Konoha, _right?"

The ramen guy gave him a pointed look. "Where else would we be in, boy?"

_Damn. _"Okay, thanks." So Wally was in this _Konoha _place. Which would be just fine and dandy- if he knew where it was. For all he knew, Konoha could be a top secret, hidden village for crazy ninjas who had nothing better to do then kill each other and train kids to become more crazy ninjas so they could kill more of each other. Wally snorted to himself. _Yeah, right. _Not even _his _luck could be _that _bad.

Now all he had to do was somehow contact and give this information to the Justice League. Which goes without saying, easier said than done.

Wally never paid attention to all the cross-dimensional technicalities whenever Bats or J'onn explained it. He got the point that he was in another dimension. That was all he needed to know. They'd always managed to get their way back to their own dimension before. Figuring out how to do it was boring stuff. He left that kind of boring stuff to the Bat. _Note to self: Grow an attention span. _

Of course, that was another thing that was easier said than done. Wally had gotten his speed along with his ADHD. Okay, that wasn't really true, since Wally had ADHD before that, but super speed made it permanent.

Anyways. The speedster was going to need money and a change of clothes. Possibly a new costume. Wally was still wearing his oversized Flash outfit, and was currently covered with dirt, mud, dirt, bits of noodle (no one ever called him a clean eater), dirt, sand, but mainly dirt. He was getting odd looks from passer-bys, but Wally didn't blame them, after all, he looked like an idiot wearing loose, red onesies.

So yeah. Money. Clothes. A place to stay would be good too.

Wally had slowed down his eating to human speed, _just _verging bestial speed to avoid suspicion. Not that he wasn't already attracting suspicious looks as that wasn't the point. Ahem.

So. He needed a job. Hopefully a part time one so he can continue superhero-ing around since the Flash was cool like that. Unless…

"Dude," Wally said to the ramen vendor. "Do you happen to have superheros around here?"

The man was looking dismally at where Wally had placed his twenty-third bowl. It was roughly a quarter from being finished, and the speedster wasn't showing any signs of slowing down. Wally suspected the man was beginning to regret offering the thirty-for-free deal, and felt a tinge of guilt at that. "Superheros? Boy, I don't know what that is, but Konoha has the best ANBU corps around."

"ANBU corps? What's that?" Hey! That could be something like the Justice League! Maybe ANBU stood for Awesome Nuclear Buddies United or along those lines. That actually wasn't a bad name. Wally was sure he was onto something.

"It stands for Special Assassination and Tactical Squad."

"Do you think I could jo- _What?_" Wally froze. The Flash wasn't known for his super hearing, but he was fairly sure he heard correctly. _Assassination. _Emphasis on the double _ass. _Maybe the superheros in this world were more like the Justice Lords than the Justice League. Then Wally would be screwed, well, more screwed than he already was. Unless, of course, another option was that his brain was malfunctioning again, sticking in words such as _assassination _into his head for laughs. Neither choice was favorable.

Wally laughed nervously. "Aw, hey, did you say _assassination?" _

The ramen guy nodded and beckoned conspiratorially at Wally. Despite himself, Wally found himself leaning forward to hear what the guy had to say. "Boy, they may sound like a nasty bunch, but they've helped Konoha a lot in the past wars."

"Wars?" Yeah, he was screwed.

"Some say that the ANBU even helped monitor the Genin and Jonin Exams. They might be monitoring the Chuunin Exams right now."

What the heck was a Chuunin? The speedster had heard it twice now, once from ol' Silver-hair and again from the ramen vendor. To be honest, it sounded like a disease. The other ones…Genin and Jonin, right? They sounded like the progression of said disease.

And that thing with the exam. Wally couldn't even remember the last exam that he did, which basically meant it was so traumatic that it had escaped his memory. He recalled something vague involving lots and lots of pink and a _very _angry Batman. He shuddered. Yeah, definitely traumatic.

So, this so-called Chuunin Exam was quite important here, seeing as they have an _assassination _squad monitoring it.

Wally coughed and tried to appear knowledgeable. "Uh…the Chuunin Exams. What does that…entail?"

The man shrugged. "Beats me. Boy, do I look like I know everything?"

Wally took that as a rhetorical question and wisely kept his mouth shut.

The vendor plonked down the last bowl of ramen. The ramen smelled good. Wally ate the ramen.

After belching spectacularly and wiping his mouth, Wally shot a guilty grin at the man. After all, he had practically ripped off the guy thirty bowls of ramen. What was that, like two hundred bucks? The speedster winced. "Hey….sorry about the.." He gestured at the piling bowls.

"Hmph," the man snorted. "That's nothing compared to what I've seen some of my regulars eat."

Wally raised an eyebrow under his mask. _Really?_

"I made the deal, boy, and I won't go back on it. You're a fast eater, kid." The vendor began to wipe up some of the broth Wally had managed to slop at the counter.

The niggling sense of guilt returned full force, before rising exponentially. Great, now he felt like the biggest jerk in the world. Wally scratched the back of his head. "Look man, I'll pay you back but I don't have any cash on me right now-"

"Then why did you order thirty to begin with?"

Wally pretended he didn't hear that comment. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. If you ever need a helper…"

The man gave Wally a searching look. "You seem like a good kid. My daughter-"-Wally perked up at that- "-is on leave right now, and she usually helps me around."

Wally grinned. "Hey. That's perfect!"

"-But serving customers is a difficult job," The man continued sternly. "Not anyone can do it, boy. I don't need any slackers around here."

"I'm a fast worker," Wally persisted.

The man gave one last look at Wally's earnest face and sighed. "Alright, boy.

You can start tomorrow- _only-_" He glared at the speedster. "-if you change out of those ridiculous clothes. You'll be an embarrassment to my shop, boy."

Ridiculous? This was _the Flash's _outfit! It was the epitome of greatness, and above all, speed! "Alright," said Wally, internally sulking.

"And get yourself cleaned up. You look like you just woke up in a forest."

Hardy har har. "Sure thing, man."

"And one more thing. What's your name, boy?"

"Uh," Wally said. Standard introduction it is. "I'm the Flash. Fastest Man Alive." He couldn't help the tiny, smug grin that wormed its way through onto his face.

"I asked for your _name, _boy, not some silly nickname you gave yourself."

"…Wally. Wally West." The speedster considered his secret identity for a moment. There were no superheros in this world, which probably mean there was no alternate Flash. Which meant, no Wally West. Which meant, no secret identity to begin with since he hasn't established himself as a superhero.

"Well, boy-" Wally wondered briefly why the guy had even bothered to ask for his name when he was still going to call him _boy_- "My name is Teuchi."

"It's nice to meet you, Teuchi." Wally grinned at him, unsure. "And sorry about the ramen thing and all."

Teuchi considered the speedster for a while. "Boy…you remind me of someone."

"Really? Who?" Wally immediately thought of a good looking, charming guy with Supes' physique. Of course, beautiful females of every species were draped all over him, cooing at his muscles and incredible intellect. That went without saying.

"One of my regular customers. Uzumaki Naruto."

"O…kay." That was the second time that Wally had been compared to this Naruto character. Hopefully he wasn't some kind of idiot.

"He's one of the biggest knuckle-heads around-" Here, Wally's imaginings disappeared with a nasty _pop_-"-but he's a good boy."

Wally didn't know whether to be insulted or pleased- he was feeling a weird combination of both. Maybe he should just stop thinking. It was easier that way.

**Well, I'm not normally the type of person who would beg for reviews, and I'm still not. The thing is, my story stats have been screwing up (Is this happening to anyone else, or am I the only lucky one?), displaying that I have 7 hits on my story for the past zillion days. I'm seriously hoping more than, well, 7 people have been reading this story. **

**So, please leave a review. No, it doesn't have to have some profound meaning, just a sign that you have read up to here. Food for the author and all that jazz. **

**Real action starts in the next chapter. **


	3. Chapter 3

…

**Seems So Slow**

…**.. **

**Chapter 3**

…

…

Wally had an itchy feeling at the back of his neck.

He scratched at it.

The itch itched.

He scratched at it again.

The itch spread.

Internally, Wally sighed. He had just left a public bath house he had seen earlier, (pity the males and females were separated), cleaned his costume, and with nothing else to wear, swiped a complimentary, free bath robe from the place and wore that. Now, Wally wasn't the kind of guy who spends his time walking in nothing but a _bathrobe_ (he wasn't _that _big of a stud), but, hey, he was getting desperate and it was either that or going starkers.

The itch tingled at his neck.

Hopefully, he hadn't contracted some form of AIDs or STD during his time at the bath house. Now, _that_ would be interesting to explain to the other League members if- when- he got back. _Well, you see Bats, during my time in the alternate dimension, I went to this foreign bath house__…__Yeah, I know the water could be unhygienic, I kinda found out the hard way__…__Funny story this one__…_

The itch tingled some more.

Okay, now it was getting slightly annoying.

The itch didn't bother Wally too much. To be fair, it was at his neck- hell, if it was at his groin, he'll be going through the seven stages of grief right about now- and the speedster had a tiny inkling that the itch felt familiar.

But that was impossible!

Wally was fairly sure he would remember an itch like this. Maybe he _had _contracted some form of STD in the past, and J'onn had erased the memory to spare his feelings. Now, the only reason why Wally felt that it was familiar was because the past event had left some kind of subconscious remnant in his mind.

…No. That couldn't be it.

A more likely explanation would be that he was developing some form of spider sense. Maybe exposure to the Speed Force had caused him to mutate into some form of super human, more so than he already was. A year ago, Wally would've slapped himself _very hard _for thinking of such a stupid theory, but he'd seem some weird things happen since joining the Justice League.

The itch tingled again. Wally instinctively slapped himself, then looked around self-consciously. Good, there was no one nearby to see him basically punch himself at the back of the neck.

So, the itch. Spider sense. Usually, it meant someone was going to attack him in about two seconds.

Wally waited the two seconds. Nothing happened.

Which only lead to one, slightly more desirable, conclusion.

Someone was following him.

Wally gulped quietly and tried not to look suspicious without trying to appear as if he was trying to not look suspicious. However, the speedster was an impulsive sort of guy, so he ended up checking over his shoulder every few milliseconds. The results basically made him look like he was having an epileptic fit.

_Calm down, West. _Wally tool a deep breath. It could be a hot chick, or even better_, _a group of hot chicks, with an obsession over mysterious, red headed, handsome strangers. Then again, it could also be a deranged super villain, thirsting for his blood… _Yeah, right. _

The speedster considered lapping the village a couple hundred times to lose his stalker, then dismissed the thought. He was in his civvies (if you consider a _bathrobe_ civvies), and judging from the less then ideal quality (they were free for a reason), they'll probably burn right off him if he tried going at super speed. Wally didn't _quite _feel like running around a universe he had just got to, flashing his goodies at old ladies and small children. That just wasn't what superheroes did. Hell_, _not even super villains did that. _That _would be on a whole new level.

"Alright," he said loudly, trying to sound intimidating. It might've worked if his voice hadn't squeaked at the very end. "I know you're following me."

Silence.

"Come out now or I'll, uh," Wally scratched his head. He couldn't say _I__'__ll make you_, since really, he had no idea where his stalker was. "- I'll find you myself!"

More silence.

Wally was beginning to wonder if dramatic stupidity was a symptom of paranoia when a man with greying hair stepped out from the shadows.

_Oh, my God. _It was an old man. An old man was stalking him. And Wally was, what, fifteen in this universe? This wasn't acceptable. _Nothing _about this was acceptable.

Then the guy stepped into the light and Wally recognised him as Silver-hair from before.

"Hey!" Wally said, surprised. "You're that guy from the ramen- I mean, uh, who are you and why are you following me?"

"Aren't you meant to be at the Chuunin Exams?" Silver-hair's eyes crinkled upwards into a more-then-slightly creepy smile.

Wally would really, _really, _like to know what the Chuunin Exams were. "I don't think so?"

"Ah, don't lie to me." Silver-hair's voice took on a slightly harder note, yet it still carried some form of lightness in it. "_Wally West, _was it? We both know that you've been inside the Forest of Death."

Wally wondered briefly if he was insane. That'll explain the mask. "Whoa, whoa, so I've been in a forest. What's the big deal?"

"The deal is," Silver-hair began slowly, as if speaking to an imbecile. Wally felt like asking him what was stuck up _his _ass, but decided against it. "…Konoha has qualms against… outsiders. Especially _unregistered _outsiders."

"Okay then," Wally said. "Where can I register?"

Silver-hair took a menacing step forward, just as the speedster took a step back. "_Wally West, _you're coming with me."

Wait a second… didn't the ramen guy, Teuchi, tell Wally that there were ANBU-whatchamacallits monitoring the exam? And that these so-called ANBU people were assassins? So basically, Wally had a potential freakin' assassin after him. Oh come on, he had barely been in this world for forty five minutes!

Wally licked his lips nervously, and squinted at Silver-hair, trying to appear as if he wasn't staring.

The guy had a crop of silver hair growing from the top of his head, which looked like it had never met a brush in its life. (Wally wasn't being a hypocrite, his own red hair was _carefully _ruffled for a suave, bad-boy effect, thank you very much) Along with this, a grey mask covered the bottom half of his face, and some kind of metal headband with a wacky sort symbol (it was probably an assassin-cult sign) was sloppily worn, covering his left eye. So in other words, ninety percent of the guy's face was covered. Very suspicious.

"Look," the speedster began warily. "I don't want to fight you. How about we, you know, talk this over or something? Hey, I'll even buy you a drink." Not that he had the money, but Silver-hair didn't know that.

"I don't think so." Another step.

So Wally did what any other speedster would do if confronted with a crazed assassin in an alternate universe. He bolted.

At least, he _tried _to bolt. Really, he did. It might've worked if he hadn't fallen spectacularly over a hidden stretch of wire and belly flopped painfully into the dust. Wally picked his face up from the dirt, grimacing and spitting out grit. The last time he had fallen this epic was when he ran into Wonder Woman's invisible jet. She had told him off after that for leaving a dent since apparently, a bit of bent metal was more important then the Flash's head.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder.

The speedster instinctively vibrated, thrusting a fist wildly at the offending hand. He hit something soft, and Wally turned around just in time to see Silver-hair explode into indiscernible smithereens.

Wally blinked stupidly at the spot for a second. To be honest, he hadn't expected that. He hadn't expected _any _of this, starting from the moment he woke up, but this might top the list. Wally wanted a normal reaction, such as Silver-hair bending over in pain, or keeling over, unconscious. Not this.

Then something prodded him in the neck.

The speedster spun around, almost gave himself whiplash, ripped part of the bathrobe he was wearing, then darted back about ten feet all in the space of half a millisecond. He rubbed at the back of his neck. _Was that meant to do something? _

Roughly ten Silver-hairs walked calmly out from the shadows the surrounding trees cast. They were each holding several lethal-looking daggers, and Wally was pretty sure they'll hurt if they cut him.

So, in speedster lingo, _make sure they don__'__t cut him._

Wally darted forward, dodging the first volley of crazy assassin daggers and clonked seven guys in the face. Like the first, they promptly exploded. The speedster wandered briefly if people exploding left, right and centre was a norm in this Konoha, before he tripped over more wire and skidded three feet on his face.

For the second time in thirty seconds, Wally found himself on the ground. A quick glance around told him that there was razor sharp wire to the left, right, front and back of him. A glint of sunlight reflected more wire above him.

_I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. _

"Okay, geezus dude, stop!" Wally raised his hands in a universal sign for peace. "I'll stop running." Not that he could actually get anywhere with all this wire, he'll probably end up decapitating himself first.

The remaining three walked over to Wally. They made no movement to put away their knives. One bent down and picked up the Flash suit that Wally had dropped earlier, then continued to advance on the fallen speedster.

_I'm gonna get killed by identical guys with bad haircuts. I'm gonna die. _

"Look, I'll go with you," Wally said, a little desperately. "I'll get registered. Sign the shipment. The whole mojo."

They stopped three feet away from him. "Drop your weapons."

He was half naked in a ripped bathrobe, did he _look _like he had any weapons? Wally also wasn't the type to stuff knives or explosives in his underwear either. Wally wisely chose to not say any of this, and instead settled with a simple, "I don't have any."

Wally might as well be a plastic bottle since they ignored him and began patting him down regardless. "I'm touched, really," Wally couldn't resist adding. "All this trouble for little old me?"

Then someone jabbed a needle into his neck.

Wally flailed momentarily and tried to speak. He was aiming for the classic _What the hell was that for, ya toothbrush-haired bastard? _but instead, managed something along the lines of, "Werdaforndard?" To the speedster's horror, his leg muscles began to seize up, which meant whatever was in that needle was potent enough to screw over even Wally's unusual metabolism. His eyelids were beginning to droop as well, despite the speedster's attempts to keep his eyes open and staring.

_Shit. Shitshitshitshit.. Just don't go into the light, West. You have yet to beat John in Brawlin' Bots for you to die now. _

The speedster felt himself being picked up none too gently by the arm, before he was carried off to god knows where. Great. Just great. Not only was he being carted off to his own possible execution, but he could feel every moment whilst being brought towards it. To add to the injury, something wet and slimy was slapping his face every one in a while, in rhythm with the motion of his body moving. Wally didn't know what it was, and quite frankly, didn't want to know.

To be fair, the speedster supposed that his reception into this universe wasn't too bad. He had gotten himself a job, sorta, and he had gotten himself some clothes, sorta. Things could be worse.

Okay, so beside the fact that he was stuck in an unknown village in an unknown dimension being carried by a bunch of unknown people who were probably going to unknowingly kill him. Yeah. Besides that.

Life was good.

….

Barely five minutes had passed, and Wally's mouth was already feeling like he had just gargled a gallon of dust, then had it swabbed with one of Green Arrow's dirty socks after a long and sweaty fight. On a happier note, feeling was starting to return to his muscles, which meant movement would be on its way.

He cracked open an eye.

Okaaaay, so he had no idea where he was. That wasn't exactly big news. As much as Wally would like to deny it, he had gotten used to the _aw-crap-methinks-I__'__m-not-at-the-Watchtower-any-more _feeling. The dull ache in his head was new though, but Wally was a man and he could take it. He wasn't really thrilled about it, but hey, he had been through worse.

From his angle on the floor, Wally could see the thing that had been so insistently slapping him in the face before was actually his Flash suit, which still hadn't dried out yet. Tilting his head above the red material, Wally glimpsed only one (thankfully) Silver-hair talking to the oldest man Wally had ever seen. No seriously, he looked like he should be dead. Wally could make out a couple of words coming out of the wizened mouth: "kid" and "innocent".

Wally internally nodded, that's right, he was god damn innocent, thank you very much. Totally not the type of guy who should get attacked, drugged and brought into cold, empty rooms to be hmmed and hrmmed over.

He sat up, popping several joints back into place.

Apparently, that was Konohanese for _come kill me_, as Wally immediately felt something pointy at his throat.

"I thought you said he'll be out for twenty four hours," the potentially oldest man in the world said to Silver-hair.

"He's supposed to be." Silver-hair narrowed his eyes, shifting his hand so the knife he was holding was positioned _just _out of Wally's sight.

"As much as I'll like to talk about my inability to stay unconscious," Wally began nervously. Wonderful. The speedster tended to blather or joke around whenever he got himself into sticky situations. With any luck, he wouldn't say something stupid and get himself killed. "I don't quite feel like chit-chat at the moment. Maybe another time?" The knife pressed harder into his neck. "…Or not."

"How did you get into Konoha?" the old man demanded.

Wally opened his mouth to spew the biggest, fattest lie he could think of at the moment, but Silver-hair smoothly interrupted him. "Lie and I'll decapitate you."

Judging from his slightly more then pissed tone, Wally wouldn't put it past the guy. "Alright, _Bats, _geez, no need to get all aggressive with me. I mean, the knife and threatening thingy is kinda unnecessary…"

Said knife was pressed deeper into his neck. The speedster felt something wet trickle towards his collarbone.

"Fine," the speedster relented. He didn't quite feel like losing his head- literally- at this very moment. After all, Wally was very attached to his head- in more ways then one, thanks. It would be helpful if he could keep it for many decades to come. "I'll tell you the truth…but you probably won't believe me."

"We'll see about that." The old man smiled at him, but Wally wasn't fooled. He had seen Wonder Woman give the same exact smile to him before punching him out when Wally had jokingly inquired about her tetchy relationship with Hawkgirl once upon a time.

"I was sucked into an alternate universe and woke up in a forest. Man, why did it have to be a _forest _of all things? I mean, it couldn't have been a room full of babes or anything…? Anyways. Three teenagers started attacking me, so I ran off. I was hungry so I ate some food- you guys' have the best ramen, and _seriously_, I've tried a lot in Japan- and I was also kinda covered in dirt- since, you know, waking up in a forest did that to you. So I went to a bathhouse- they shouldn't really separate the gender, you get my gist?- well, Mister Cyclops here would, but I dunno about you, you seem a bit too old for it…no offence. Anyways, after that, about a billion duplicates of Mister Cyclops attacked me, and dragged my sorry ass here. The end."

There. He told the truth without exactly giving away information on the Justice League. Green Lantern would be proud.

There was a brief silence.

"…Kakashi?" The old man shot a look at Silver-hair.

"No abnormalities in heart rate or bodily movement. Eye contact maintained and no fluctuations in voice control," Silver hair dutifully recited. Wally was beginning to suspect the man was a robot. Silver-hair looked down at him, and his single eye crinkled into a smirk. _A weird, creepy, batshit insane _(no offence to Bats. He's cool.) _robot. _"He's telling the truth, or at least, what he thinks is the truth."

The old man was silent, then nodded once at Silver-hair.

The knife at Wally's throat immediately disappeared.

The speedster's hand jumped to his neck, rubbing it to check if his jugular was still intact. Satisfied that it was, Wally tried to stand up- and only succeeded in twitching his left foot.

_What the hell?_

"Please don't try anything," the old man said calmly. Wally shot a baleful glare at him- who did he think he was, Dumbledore? "The paralysis Kakashi just injected-"- Wally cursed- friggin' sneaky assassins and their friggin' sneaky ways- "is supposed to last several days, but your system has already neutralised a large percentage of it. Regardless, it should hold you for a reasonable fifteen minutes. We have been forewarned of your abilities- and your apparent lack of chakra."

_What the heck's a chakra? _Wally added it to his rapidly growing list of neologisms to learn since coming to this universe. Hopefully, this so-called _chakra _wasn't anything he needed for his survival, like luck or something.

"How do you feel about being a permanent resident in Konoha?"

Wally's eyes temporarily bulged out of his head. So basically, these guys attacked him, drugged him, dragged him to a mystery location- could be hell for all Wally knew- drugged him again, and then offered him a comfortable home for him to reside in for the remainder of his stay in this alternate world? Sounds perfectly logical to him. "Uh," said Wally intelligently.

Silver-hair seemed to be thinking something along the same lines. He was urgently whispering something unintelligible to the old man, who in turn, frowned and whispered something back. Silver-hair looked decidedly unhappy about the new turn of events, hissed a word in response whilst glaring at Wally as if the whole damn thing was his fault.

"Chinese whispers seems fun and all," Wally said. "Care to share with me the secret?"

"As I was saying," the old man started. The speedster assumed he was the one calling the shots around here- seeing as he basically flipped ol' Silver-hair off. "Konoha would like to offer her assistance."

"That's nice," said Wally. "-But unless you have some kinda transdimensional doohickey lying around, you won't be much help."

"I believe a place to stay in the meantime is ample help." The old man raised an inquisitorial eyebrow at the speedster. "Unless you wish to try your luck some place else?"

"Look," Wally pointed out. "You seem like a stand-up guy and all, but your friend, Mister Cyclops here, _attacked _me. Right now, I'm sitting on your floor, _drugged. _How would I know if the place I end up staying in won't, you know…" He mimed an explosion with his hands.

"If we wanted you dead, you would be already," said Silver-hair.

Well, that wasn't exactly the most comforting thing Wally could hear at the moment. Maybe the old guy could do a little better. "The other villages are more likely to kill you outright. Besides, Konoha has one of the best research facilities out of the Four Countries. We can provide aid to your….predicament."

That wasn't exactly the most stirring of speeches either, but it got the point across. To say it simply, Wally was stuck with a cyclops and a living mummy, inside a medieval village complete with its own, personalised Mount Rushmore. And did the mummy just say _Four Countries? _Wally hadn't really been the star student in Geography during high school, but being a speedster, he knew the basics of geographical locations. After all, he ran around the world on a daily basis, and it simply wouldn't do if he ended up in, say, the red light district in Bangkok, if in actuality, he was aiming for Gotham City. Wally was fairly sure there were a lot more then _four _countries in the world.

"Alrighty then," Wally relented. "You going to show me my place now or what? Unless-" The speedster cast a speculative look around. "-I'm already in it? 'Cause really, these dirt-brown walls don't float my boat. Not that I'm complaining or anything."

"No," the old man said, with a hint of a smile that was gone so quickly that Wally wondered if he had imagined it. "Your home would be far more comfortable then here. However, in exchange for your place of residence, I would like to ask you for something in return."

The speedster internally groaned- why did all good things come with a pointy side? Just when he was thinking he had been cut a lucky break as well. "Name it. Well, as long as it doesn't involve me killing anyone, or maiming anyone…too much. I don't do that."

"I want you to help in maintaining the peace of Konoha. You won't be alone," the old man added quickly as Wally opened his mouth. "Konoha has many able ninja-" _What the actual fuck. Crap. _"-and someone of your skills would be helpful to us." _Crappity crap crap. What the hell did he get himself into? "_I would also like you to partake in the Chuunin Exams. It's a test of sorts- to see your abilities."

"Whoa, back up a bit there," the speedster said uncertainly. He could feel himself beginning to vibrate to a superhuman frequency- a unfortunate habit he had picked up when nervous. "I'm coolios with the exam and all that jazz, but did you just say _ninja_?"

"Do you have a problem with that?" The old man looked at Wally.

_Yes. _"No, none at all!" Aw, who was he kidding? Out of the thousands of universes he could get stuck in, he had ended up in the one without technology, iced mochas or superheroes. Instead, he was stuck with ninjas, assassins and no known way back.

At least he had found out what the Chuunin Exams were…sorta. It was a test that checked out his awesome meta abilities.

_So why would friggin' assassins be looking over it? _

With a bit of luck, Wally hoped he hadn't been suckered into some sort of nasty surprise. Since seriously, the speedster could do without the nasty surprises for a while. A _long _while.

**..**

**Sorry about the delay, I had a 2000 word essay about the Ancient Greeks and types of morality to write. Fuck, and I thought school was boring. **

**Tell me if you want longer chapters with a longer wait time, or shorter ones with a shorter wait time. **


	4. Chapter 4

-1**Seems so Slow**

**..**

**..**

**Chapter 4**

**..**

**..**

So.

The Chuunin Exams.

This was a nasty surprise.

_It's a test of sorts- to see your abilities. _Hardy har har. Very funny, old man. Wally was busting his gut here. Really. He could barely stop himself from rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach to stop his guts from exploding out. It was _that _hilarious.

_Test your abilities. _That was a crock load of steaming manure and the old man- the Hokage- and now Wally knew it. Well, assuming that the information from _Five Easy Steps to Becoming a Ninja _was correct. Judging from the extreme detailing of a plethora of ninja clans, along with a scattering of quotes from various critics and statistics of the amount of ninjas from each village, Wally surmised that it was. _Easy Steps, _his red spandexed ass. It was about as _easy _as trying to hit Supes with a batarang with both hands tied to his feet while balancing on a ball which was balancing on a boiling tea kettle.

To be fair, the Hokage dude didn't exactly _lie _to him, per se. He just withheld information from Wally. Withheld about 90 percent of the information. Including the part which basically involved the contestants signing their own death warrants. As much as Wally would like to deny it, he had done plenty of stupid things before, but he did value his life. Also, didn't the speedster _explicitly _say that he wasn't going to kill anyone? Or was he somehow speaking Spanish when he had told them this?

Wally sighed, and tossed the book onto his newly acquired bed inside his newly acquired apartment. The speedster had initially borrowed the book for a laugh because, hey, the title itself practically begged for a couple of giggles. Instead, super-speed reading it had given him a headache the size of Krypton before it had exploded. Moping around inside a cramped room wasn't helping much if at all either.

Nobody said the words _speedster _and _studying _went well together. It was like comparing Batman to Ronald Macdonald. It was just wrong. Actually, that was a bad analogy, since Bats was sorta similar to the perpetually grinning Macdonalds' mascot, in which they both gave small children nightmares. Anyways, the point is, Wally just didn't like research. He left that stuff to people who had more then an inch long attention span.

And that thing with the chakra. From Silver-hair's -Kakashi, Wally corrected himself (Man, could they pick a more difficult name? Like he was actually going to remember that. Okay, so _Wallace _wasn't exactly the most tempting choice one could call their baby boy, but really? _Kakashi?_) surprisingly thorough description, chakra was a weird, mystical life energy that if used correctly, can do weird, mystical things.

Wally had laughed himself stupid at that, until Kakashi promptly blew a fireball at him.

After the speedster had stopped, dropped, and rolled, Kakashi had cheerfully explained that chakra can also be used to create illusions and manipulate nature. He had also pointed out the various chakra points on one's body, specifically the one located at the base of the neck. If that was blocked, one would be rendered unconscious, or for weaker bodies, their heads would be blown clean off. Wally wasn't sure if Kakashi had been joking about that bit.

Either way, that explained why the older man was so adamant about prodding him in the neck that previous day. Wally was beginning to suspect that the man had a creepy neck fetish. The reason why the speedster wasn't currently scraping his grey matter from the walls on their first meeting was because…

Wally didn't have any chakra.

The speedster considered this for a second. If he had none of this so called chakra stuff, logically, he should be dead. _Fan-friggin'-tastic. _No, that was downright impossible! The dead didn't get hungry! The dead didn't run around and the dead sure as hell don't go to the bathroom like Wally had done two minutes prior!

Besides, if he was dead, this would be heaven. Wally stared at the flaking white paint chipping away at the walls. _What a rip off. _He was expecting some form of speedster paradise, with hot babes and long stretches of pavement which lead to glowing sunsets, not this drug dealer hideout!

Of course, he could just go _ask, _but that just wasn't the type of thing one would ask someone else. _Hey you! Can you tell me if I'm alive? Coz knowing stuff like that's kinda important, you know. _

Wally idly glanced at the clock. Eleven o' clock. Which meant he had roughly thirty seconds to arrive at the ramen stand before he could get potentially fired from his first job. Plenty of time.

So.

The Chuunin Exam.

_Dammit. _How did he get himself into these sort of situations? And why? Why why why why why why _why? _Maybe it was a curse. The Wally Curse. That seemed about right. No matter what, if there was a bad situation, it would find him. In fact, if there was _no _bad situation, one would be created just for him. Wally and Trouble. They could be best friends.

Normally, Wally would be thrilled in becoming an almost ninja. He had even been presented with a wacky, metallic headband (So he was now officially part of the assassin cult. Whoop-de-doo.) and his own personal sachet of razor sharp knives. Yay. Just what anyone wanted when they were a kid. Wally had almost sliced off his hand while looking through the bag. He hadn't looked through it since.

Yet there was still that thing with the exam. From what Wally had understood, there was some sort of pecking order for ninjas, ranging from cutesy little children (apparently, there were kids as young as twelve in the current Chuunin Exam. When Wally was twelve, he had been… beating up villains with bad fashion sense as Kid Flash. But that _so _wasn't the point.) to billion year old men (aka, the Hokage. No one can possibly have that many skin folds on their face unless they were related to a bulldog).

Wally zipped back over to the book, flipping through it. The first couple of pages was a map of the world, which the speedster ignored seeing as it looked like as if someone had crapped all over it. It made no sense. (Where the hell was America? Where the hell was Australia? Where the hell was Italy? Where the hell would he go when he wanted a good pizza?)

He sighed and glanced at the clock again. Five seconds. Might as well leave early.

…

"Thanks, bud! And come again!" Wally cheerfully waved off the latest customer, who giggled and fluttered her eyelashes at him. The speedster sighed wistfully: if only she wasn't a toddler, he might've been interested. Maybe in twenty years or so…

Wally turned around, only to have an armful of boxes shoved at him. "Last delivery," grunted Teuchi, checking off from a scrap of paper. "You have five minutes."

Five minutes? For seventeen deliveries of ramen? In seventeen different locations in Konoha? That would be four minutes and fifty nine seconds too much. Wally gave Teuchi a grin and a thumbs up, almost dropping his load like a ton of bricks. "Sure thing, man."

"That's Teuchi for you, boy!" The vendor yelled back at him, but Wally barely heard it. He was already off.

..

The first customer was the ugliest man Wally had ever seen. It was almost unbelievable. Wally never knew hair could grow in such places.

"Geez, you need-" _Some serious plastic surgery. _"_-ordered _some ramen, right? Delivery, fresh and hot from the pot." _Foot in mouth, West, foot in mouth. _

The man sneered at him- at least, Wally assumed it was a sneer, it was kinda hard to tell if the misshapen hole was a mouth- and shoved some money at him. The door immediately slammed shut in Wally's face afterwards.

Yeah, well, you're very welcome, _Frankenstein. _"There needs to be a replacement of hot girl around here," Wally muttered to himself, then strode off, not without sticking his tongue out at the closed door.

…

The second customer looked like he wanted to kill Wally. The speedster had grabbed the cash and sped off quickly to avoid an impromptu death.

…

The third customer was a little kid, horribly in need of a haircut. Wally zipped over to him, putting down a box of ramen and ruffled the boy's hair.

"Hey!" the kid said excitedly, staring up at Wally as if he was the most fascinating being to grace his existence. The speedster felt his ego swell, just a teeny bit. "Are you a ninja?"

"Nah," Wally said, grinning for the emphasis. Okay, so maybe a little more then a teeny bit. "I'm better then those creeps. I'm a superhero, the Fastest Man Alive!"

The kid scoffed so loudly that Wally was afraid he might choke on his own mucus. "Laaameeee…. Ninjas are waaay more awesome!"

"No way, kid." Wally shook his head sagely. Who was he calling lame? "From what I've seen, they're practically slugs. Superheros kick more ass, they're better." Okay, never mind the fact that he accidentally said a _bad word _in front of a child. The kid needed to set his priorities straight.

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

Wally opened his mouth, then closed it again when he realised that he was arguing with a six year old on which were cooler; superheroes or ninjas. Great. Other delivery guys get kindly old ladies who left big tips while Wally was stuck with deluded, mouthy kids who worshipped crazed assassins.

"Look," Wally said with what he hoped was conviction. "Either way, you got to admit that-"

"Whatever!" The kid sniffed haughtily. "Don't come running to _me_, when my grandpa kicks your butt!"

Wally snorted; running to _him? _He barely knew the kid! And he highly doubted that some old grandpa could get anywhere _near _his butt; his butt was rather speedy, thanks.

He winced. Could kick his butt. Not get anywhere near it. That was just some unfortunate phrasing, it wasn't like as if the Flash was actually imagining a grandpa and his bu- _Stop right there, West. Just stop. _

The speedster blurred away with the rest of his deliveries before his imagination could catch up.

….

Wally smelt fire.

Which would have been completely normal if he was in, say, his own kitchen or even the Watchtower. Unfortunately, the speedster had no such luck and was instead jogging down a particularly dusty area of Konoha.

He backtracked the last hundred steps he took, and cautiously looked around. A tumbleweed blew down the path in front of him. That was normal. A bird chirped hoarsely from its perch to his right. That was more normal then a brooding Batman. A house crumbled in on itself with smoke drifting out and screams could be heard from the inside. Seems completely nor-

_Wait a second. _

Wally rushed over to the house, narrowly avoiding a flaming brick that could've potentially caved his face in. Without thinking, he grabbed the doorknob.

"OW! Shit!"

The door fell inwards of its own accord as Wally flapped his hand frantically, blowing and waving his burnt fingers. Granted, that wasn't the smartest thing to do, but at least this wasn't as bad as the time when the Flash had accidentally stuck his hand on a hotplate. He glanced back at the collapsing house and winced. Someone clearly left the oven on.

He had one last delivery left to make, and four minutes to complete that. That was more then enough time.

The speedster hurriedly shoved the boxes aside, and ran towards the doorway to enter. That would've been just dandy if it hadn't been consumed by flames.

Where the hell was everyone? Getting a tan? If they were, couldn't they have been sunbathing in _this _part of the neighbourhood? At least then, they would've noticed, dunno, maybe _the giant fire munching away at this house like J'onn on a double chocolate oreo? _

The cries inside were getting weaker. Wally gritted his teeth and burst inside.

The house graciously responded with a loud groan, then vomited a pile of steaming rubble at the only point of entry.

So much for breaking and entering. As Supes said (and said a thousand times), _crime doesn't pay. _Even though said crime was done to save a life.

Wally ducked another piece of flaming debris (hey, he wanted to keep that eye) and realised that the edge of his sleeve was smoking. _Uh oh. _Dilemma. Normally, the Flash would shrug off such intense heat, but Wally wasn't wearing the Flash suit at the moment. Instead, he was wearing a banana yellow bandana, a plain white T-shirt and some pants. Well, he couldn't really say it was white anymore, seeing as it was covered with blackened soot and smelled like a fox had _an accident _all over him. Overall, very flammable.

What did that techie guy from STAR labs tell him when he gave him the suit? Something along the lines of… _it's stain, cold and heat resistant. To suit your tremendous speed, sir, we modified the material to have extreme flexibility. Unfortunately, it isn't bullet nor missile proof. _

…_So don't get cocky, hotshot. _A voice that sounded suspiciously like John whispered in Wally's mind.

Right. Despite the suit not being "_bullet nor missile proof"_, Wally really wouldn't mind wearing something stain-cold-and-heat-resistant-emphasis-on-the-heat-resistant. Something like that would be useful in this situation.

The speedster spun himself into a tornado, clearing a none-too-clean path towards a fallen section of the wall, simultaneously knocking down everything that could possibly be knocked down onto the floor. Never mind that, so there were no people in this room? A small mass twitched feebly in what remained of a corner, and Wally immediately rushed over to it.

"You okay, buddy?" Wally said softly. _Shit. _It was a little girl. No, of course she wasn't okay, she's covered in dirt and soot and virtually every sort of dark matter! In practically every horror movie, dark matter usually signified death, destruction and all things that are bad, dammit! Unless inhaling copious lungfuls of smoke was Konohanese for the healthiest thing around, she was definitely not _okay. _

Wally tried lifting her up, but she screamed and jerked away. The speedster hurriedly put her down again, noticing that a stray piece of debris had pierced her leg. _Fuck. _

"Hey, sweetie, I want you to keep those beautiful eyes of yours open, alright?" Wally soothed, super speed tying his banana yellow bandana (Okay, who chose this? Right, it was _him, _but Teuchi had been out of red ones, and the only other choice was a puke green) around her mouth, hoping that it could act as a filter for the smoke in the air. "I'll get you out, promise." 

"Y-You…_promise?_"

"Yeah, promise." Wally finished tying what could quite possibly be the worst tourniquet in existence around the girl's leg. (Hey, knots never work out well if your fingers were going at Mach 2. There was a reason why the Flash never had any shoelaces, and despite popular beliefs, it was _not _because he would trip over them. …Well, maybe it was to do with that too.)

'Oh….'kay." Then she promptly fainted.

"Hey! HEY! Stay with me here!" Wally poked her frantically to no avail, wiping away the sweat around his eyes. The temperature was spiking, and Wally swore it had risen at least a hundred or so degrees since he got in here. _This place badly needs an air conditioner. Or Supes' ice breath thingy. Preferably both. _

He picked up the unconscious girl with one arm, making sure not to jostle her leg lest she scream a bloodier murder. That also meant no tornadoes, no overly quick movements and no running faster then the speed of sound. Wally windmilled an arm towards the air, aiming to clear it and instead ended up with a face full of dust and semi-burnt debris.

A fat lot of good that did. Just how big was this place?

That only left one other option. He had to cannonball his way out of here, and hope to God or whatever entity that ruled this universe that he nor the girl caught fire. That may not be the best plan lying around, but it wasn't like Wally had grand fire rescue plans he could whip out at the drop of the hat. Besides, what could go wrong? The speedster had often been thrown/blasted/tripped and head butted through walls, accidental or not. He never had any lasting damage. At least, he didn't think so.

So he like wearing red and yellow. That didn't mean he liked to be _cooked _in it! He was the Fastest Man Alive. He liked the _Alive _aspect of that title possibly the most. _Fastest _came a close second, although _Man _bit was fairly important too. Wally sure as hell wanted to keep it that way, at least until he had seven grandchildren and saved the world another twelve times.

He ran.

…

"Who put this stupid thing on her face!" An annoyed medic snapped, adjusting an oxygen mask over the girl's mouth.

"Uh…I plead the fifth?" Wally said tentatively. Man, if she turned out to be allergic to speedster or ramen or even the color yellow…Who knows. She could be like GL, after all, who would have expected the most powerful weapon in the universe to be weak to the color of a delicious fruit? Talk about discrimination.

"Please ignore him, he's just a trainee," a nearby doctor said hurriedly. His hands were glowing a soft green above the injured leg. Wally resisted the urge to wave his own hands through it. "You may have potentially saved her life. I don't think Miss Hyuuga Hanabi would have made it without your help. But why are you soaking wet?"

"I sorta caught on fire, so I jumped into the closest river." Wally winced. Okay, that sounded a lot better inside his head.

Both medics shot him incredulous stares. "But the closest river is miles away!"

"Yeah, I know." Wally twitched the toe he had stubbed on the way there. He hated it when that happened. "Mind sticking up a couple more roads around here? Not that I'm complaining about the distance, but the terrain could be a whole lot smoother."

"A better question would be what you and my daughter were doing at the Uchiha Compound." A cold voice ghosted over from the doorway.

Wally swung around and tried to adopt a kung-fu stance. This was easier said then done since none of the action movies Wally had watched prepared him to face freakishly tall, long haired dudes with featureless white eyes. _Whoa. _Make that featureless white eyes which were now _bulging and pulsing with veins. _The guy looked like he'd just stepped out from a scene from a bad horror movie.

Nevertheless, the speedster was highly adaptable. Wally settled for a hybrid Jet Li-Street Fighter pose, perfect for kicking any zombie's ass. "Whoa- who are you?"

"You are in no position to make demands, boy." The man sneered derisively as he strode towards the hospital bed. "And lower your arms, you look ridiculous."

"Hey, listen here, _pal_-" Wally started indignantly, before he was pulled towards the door. The speedster blinked at the head medic, who shook his head emphatically and pointed at the exit.

Wha- Oh. He wanted Wally to get out. Now that the big guy was here, there was no need for badly dressed speedsters to stick around. Wally was beginning to feel a _tad, _just a _tad, _neglected at that. He had almost been barbequed in there, and now people were treating him like how the speedster treated cheeseburger wrappers. Surely he deserved a bit of credit. Wally didn't really expect adoring fans or cheering crowds (although that would be cool too) but a little acknowledgement would be dandy.

One of the medics- the trainee, Wally noticed- ran up to the man and bowed deeply, wearing the most faeces-eating smile the speedster had ever seen. "Sir, your daughter is in stable condition!"

"Hmph. I would expect so." The man turned his head to look at the limply lying figure on the bed and sniffed. "She would be pathetic otherwise. Leave us for now-"

Cue the rapid nodding and hasty retreat. Wally wondered if both medics were related to those hyperactive Duracell bunnies he'd seen on television too many times to count, but dismissed the idea as they were missing the distinctive traits of being fluffy, pink or cute.

"As for the boy…" The empty eyes were focused on him again. Wally would've suspected the dude was blind, if they hadn't zeroed in on the foot Wally had slightly twitched like a Batmissile on a Batplane. Satisfied that the speedster wasn't concealing any harmful weaponry in his right base limb, the man continued. "I'll have questions for him later."

The door slammed shut in his face.

_Well aren't you just a beaming ray of sunshine. _Wally scowled and crossed his arms defensively.

"Don't take it personally, he's like that all the time," a very familiar voice said lazily from behind, and the speedster felt his day go from mildly bad to irrevocably terrible.

..

…

**A lot of explaining crap in this chapter. Hopefully I didn't bore you to tears, I was drunk writing the first half and pissed off on the next. And kudos to anyone who recognised who the "deluded, mouthy" third customer was. **

**If only my spell-check would stop "correcting" the word Wally to Wall. Adding the "y" gets annoying after the tenth time. **

**And it just occurred to me… the Flash would make an awesome thief. Think about it, he could rob you a thousand times over before you could blink. **

**Plus I would appreciate it if someone told me how the hell do I change the Justice League category for this into cartoons. Please. It's pissing me off since I might somehow accidentally delete the whole story in attempting to do so. **

**Most importantly, am I keeping Wally West in character? ARAGH, I can't tell. **

**Profile fixed. Damn trolling cousins. **


	5. Chapter 5

**I made my deadline. –hysterical laughter- **

**..**

**Seems so Slow**

**..**

**..**

**Chapter 5**

**..**

**..**

"What are you doing here?" Wally asked grumpily, slumping against the wall. "Don't you have other places to haunt?"

"Me? I was just waiting for my order." Kakashi smiled innocently back, but Wally knew he was about as innocent as, well, a _ninja. _"My lunch is late, so I decided to go straight to the source."

"Huh? The hospital?" Wally cocked his head in confusion. "I dunno about you, but I'm pretty sure there's better food around here then the _hospital. _Unless you actually _like _bland broccoli and food which tastes like cold snot, but you don't seem the type. Not judging here though."

"No," said Kakashi calmly, but the speedster caught the discreet eye roll in his single eye. "I had a more flavoursome meal in mind, _ramen boy." _

Wally groaned loudly. He had been kinda preoccupied with the escaping from burning house thing. Delivering ramen wasn't exactly at the top of his to-do list. The speedster dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a tiny scrap of paper which was scrunched up so it was even tinier. He was pleasantly surprised to note that it hadn't spontaneously combusted under all the heat.

Sure enough, after brushing away the ash, Wally managed to read the chicken scratch of his own writing; _Hatake Kakashi. _Under that was an address that may or may not be real. After all, since when did someone live _inside _a river, for the Speed Force's sake, aquatic creatures and Atlanteans aside? Okay, so the speedster himself lived in a galactic meta-tower shaped like a certain area of the male anatomy, chatted with Martians and held single-sided conversations with a man dressed as a flying rodent on a daily basis. Discovering that a particular, prematurely greying cyclops lived inside a large body of water was hardly heart-stopping.

"Back in a tic."

Wally dashed off towards the oh-so-emptier end of Konoha, back to where he had dumped the last delivery. Ugh. He stubbed his toe again. Someone better get this place cleaned up before less able members of the society tripped over the damned mess and broke their nose. The speedster made a mental note to become an active witness for the prosecution in the case of a possible suing.

Miraculously, the ramen was still warm, presumably so from being so close to a previously raging fire. Wally picked up the delivery box with one hand, only wobbling it once as he zipped back off to where Kakashi was waiting. Not that waiting half a second was considered waiting, but hey, sweet time was sweet time.

He shoved the load at the older man. "Noodle lunch, on the go. It's still steamy so I'm not expecting a refund."

Admittedly, the speedster wasn't really fond of Kakashi. Despite being "the most trusting buffoon of the League" (title courtesy of Hawkgirl) and having a happy-go-lucky-your-shit-may-stink-but-I'll-be-your-buddy-unless-you-try-to-kill-me attitude, Wally was kind of biased to the silver-haired creep. Seeing as he had been drugged twice, almost cut to speedster-shreds, and stalked by said guy, who could blame him? Stuff like that were grounds for a little suspicion.

Besides, the asshole was _eating _in front of him. When Wally had _no _food. _No _food. Not even a freakin' energy bar for starving speedsters. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

_Now that just sucks on a whole new level._

Wally placed a hand on to his stomach to quell the growls, and turned away to block out the ever-so-tempting sight of noodle disappearing strand by strand. He cleared his throat loudly to cover the noisy slurps, and jerked his thumb towards the closed door. "So I take it the freaky guy's her pops?"

"Yes." Kakashi paused mid swallow. "I suggest that you stay away from Hyuuga Hiashi. He's not a man you want to fall out of odds with."

"I'll make sure to notify the adoption agency later," Wally agreed. In any case, he didn't think vampires made the best daddies around. "So what's the real reason why you're here?"

"You don't believe that I was simply hungry?" Kakashi gave him a mock, hurt look. "All right. I'll confess, I came here with my…acquaintance."

Acquaintance? Oh, he meant the psycho he just warned Wally about. "But, uh, he's kinda…in there." Wally pointed with his head at the decidedly closed door. "Shouldn't you be…in there with him too?"

"There are more pressing matters I have to deal with." Kakashi leaned back and smiled glibly at Wally.

"Oh, right…wait, you're not going to drug me again, are you?" Wally glanced suspiciously at Kakashi. So the speedster was still slightly traumatised by that. Sue him. "Or blow another creepy chakra fireball thing at my head? 'Cause we're in a hospital, you know. I don't think your vampire buddy in there-" -head jerk to door- "-would appreciate a mushroom-cloud of holy light. Might just burn his pure white skin."

This time, Kakashi _noticeably _rolled his eye. Wally felt a little proud at that accomplishment. "Pressing matters involving _you. _Like… what you were doing in the Uchiha compound."

"I wasn't doing _anything!_" Wally protested uselessly. At Kakashi's pointed look, he faltered. Apparently, single-eye stares could be more potent than double ones. "Okay, I was delivering ramen. But that's it! _Really._"

"Really," Kakashi repeated. "But I specified that my delivery was to be at a river. And as one of the medics said…" He fixed Wally with an unblinking look. "…_it's miles away._"

"Yeah, but," Wally sulked. It was starting to sound like _he _was the culprit here. Apparently, the part where he saved a life had fallen on deaf ears. "I'm the Fastest Man Alive! A couple of miles are nothing on me."

"Your speed is inconsequential in this matter." Kakashi lowered the empty ramen bowl. Wally's stomach growled achingly again. "Unless you are directionally impaired, you shouldn't have been anywhere near the Uchiha compound. Explain yourself."

"Alright, so I went slightly off course, _Constable._" He was starting to get _really _sick of the interrogation thing. What was wrong with the typical friendly chat scenario? Unless a hospital was synonymous to a café and subtle threats equals DNM conversations, Wally was starting to get homesick. "But I smelt fire and heard screaming. That guarantees a detour from starch-sending."

"Lack of burn wounds?"

"Hyper speed metabolism and healing," Wally said truthfully.

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow at that, and the speedster's jaw dropped. Why was it that whenever he told the truth, no one believed him? It was like April Fools Day in the Watchtower again. Then again, no one had expected the mild-mannered Martian Manhunter to have put laughing gas into Batman's air conditioner. "Oh, _you've got to be kidding me. _You think I set fire to a random place, swiped a little girl and chucked her inside just to rescue her?"

At the continued silence, Wally grimaced. "And I thought Bats was paranoid."

"This _Bats_," Kakashi emphasised the word. "Is he anyone we'll care to know about?"

"Bats?" Wally waved his arm airily. The speedster figured there was no harm done giving away _that _little tidbit of information. "He's a bit of a weirdo. Likes dressing up as a flying rodent on a daily basis. Crazed loner, the works. Slow as molasses though. Not to worry, he's not even in this dimension." He would've added more, but it was safer to keep his mouth shut in case said man had devised a transdimensional hearing device. Seeing as it was Batman, Wally wouldn't put it past him.

Kakashi nodded slowly. "But that doesn't explain why you were at the compound, West."

He accepted _that, _and not his innocence? Life just wasn't fair. "Look, dude, you can do that human lie detector thing for all I care. I'm telling the truth."

"Hm."

The pair descended into an abrupt silence. Wally fidgeted and wondered apprehensively if this was the part where the older man pulls out some form of pincer-like torturing device and he, Wally, would be forced to beg for his life.

"Why..." Kakashi began quietly. "Why are you here?"

Wally started. "Huh? Because I found the girl...?"

"As in...why are you here? In Konoha."

"Oh." Because those transdimensional gods up there really hated his guts. Damn jealous geezers. Probably because he, Wally West, was faster than them. And that he got more girls. Yeah. That.Wally shrugged noncommittally. "I guess I was just unlucky." Incredibly unlucky. Maybe on the brink of meta level unluckiness.

"Will you find a way back?"

The speedster had _kinda _been working on that, aka, he had mulled over it for about two seconds. Despite his immediate conclusion of being doomed for life and condemned in an unknown area, Wally remained optimistic.

Because that was what the Flash would do.

Besides, as John Stewart had so eloquently put it during a moment of great crisis... _shit happens_. If Wally sulked every time he got supremely screwed over, he would be a drooling mess. Hence, Wally either had to wait for Bats to get him (It had already been a day. The Dark Knight was slipping.) or find a way back himself. The speedster wasn't quite the damsel in distress type- hell, he saved damsels in distress for a _living_- so the second option was far more preferable.

"Yeah," said Wally. "...Although some pointers wouldn't hurt."

The older man pondered for a second. "How did you get here?"

"I ran."

"You ran," Kakashi said coolly.

Admittedly, that came out more lame than Wally had anticipated. At least he hadn't said that he got pulled here by a magical, lightning force. Boy, that'll only confirm the older man's perception of Wally as a gargantuan retard.

"I ran _too fast,_" Wally corrected.

"...Right." Kakashi heaved a sigh that seemed to contain all the troubles in the world. "Why don't you try running back?"

_Because it wasn't that simple. _

The Speed Force was both a wonderful and terrible entity, and in a way, it was both the worst and best thing that could happen to Wally. It was _beautiful_, an all encompassing _being _that _loved _Wally, unconditionally and eternally. In the brief time that he had spent with the Speed Force, Wally had forgotten everything- _JohnShayeraBruceClarkJ'onnDianaJohnShayeraBruClaJ'oDiJoSha- _they all merged into a single, forgettable face.

For a moment, Wally had hated them.

Most importantly, the Speed Force _understood. _It was harder than difficult to be a speedster stuck in a world of perpetual slow motion, where he would have to wait hours for another person to finish their sentence. It was a selfish desire, Wally knew, to wish for everyone else to be fast like him, just so he could live something of a semblance of a normal life.

So Wally had to slow down for everyone, because he was a hero.

Because that was what the Flash would do.

Even if the others viewed him to be an idiot when he sat with agonising boredom between conversations. Even when the numbing pains in his stomach grew to something more than hunger pangs. Even when all he wanted to do is to _- _

After all, it didn't matter. Of all the troubles in the world, what Wally _felt_ was the least important. He had to keep running, because there was always someone who needed him.

Because it was what he did.

He _ran, _so that other people could be happy. He bled, so that other people didn't have to. And he will die so that other people could live. He was the Fastest Man Alive. It was what he did.

So when the Speed Force appeared to him...

...And _loved _him...

It was only fair to love it back.

"I can't," Wally said finally. Because that was the truth. "I-I'll die."

"You didn't seem to have trouble coming here."

Wally opened his mouth indignantly, then closed it again. No trouble? _No trouble? _Oh, so saving the world from an _extremely _bald madman-android hybrid and preventing a possible Armageddon was a walk in the park, apparently, for the older man. "Hey, I almost died getting here!"

"Almost died from running...really." Kakashi's mask twitched. Wally scowled; derogatory commentary on how he ran was always unnecessary. "How fast can you run?"

"A bit faster than the speed of light. Nothing special." Wally played the modesty card.

Kakashi gave Wally's head a long stare, as if checking for a brain inside. "That's impossible. Not even Gai can go that fast."

"Who the hell's this 'Guy'?" A fellow speedster? Wally was immediately interested. Granted, this '_Guy' _could barely be called a speedster, seeing as he couldn't go at light speed, but someone reasonably fast-ish would be fun to hang with. As long as this mysterious '_Guy' _didn't look as weird as Kakashi, or have that bad of a haircut. Wally couldn't quite think of anything worse than the broom end of what the older man called _hair... _unless it was a bowl cut. Yeah. That would be worse. But what were the chances?

He was promptly ignored. "Your molecular structure would be ripped to shreds," Kakashi continued. "Light speed is physically impossible for a normal person."

"I come from a _separate _dimension." Wally pointed out. Hadn't they already been through this a million and three times? "The fact that I'm here is downright _impossible." _

"That," Kakashi said quietly. "Can be disputed."

And...they were now cruising steadily back down to DANGER territory, capital letters necessary. Wally would have thought that approval from the Hokage, aka the Big Kahuna would be enough, but no, Kakashi, aka the Underling, the Little Pinky Toe, had to take into account the old man's senility, and snatch matters into his own hands. It was like Supes and Bats' _I'm bigger then you so nyah _routine. Wally had once jokingly called their relationship a love-hate one (it was a joke! A joke!) and had regretted it milliseconds after dodging a semi-exploding batarang and speedster-seeking heat vision aimed at his general direction. And for some reason, Diana's lasso.

He had then spent the next few months hiding out in the deepest depths of Antarctica. Wally shuddered at the memory. Apparently, polar bears found anything involving the color red delicious.

But Wally was a clever-ish guy, despite the beliefs of practically everyone he knew. Learning from one's mistakes and all that clevery, philosophical stuff. He wisely chose to not comment on _any _relationship between the _prematurely _grey haired man and the _maturely _grey haired one.

"Don't worry; I'll stay a good boy. Next time when someone is in need of my help, I'll stay put. Maybe watch from a distance."

"I didn't say that."

"Right-o. Guess I should stay cramped in my apartment instead then. No way can I get into trouble there." Wally wondered why Kakashi disliked him so much. The fact that he was an illegal immigrant was _so _old news.

Oh lookie here! The guy was _frowning _now. He had managed to piss off the big, bad ninja. Wally might've been a tad smug if he hadn't known that Kakashi could kill him in two seconds flat, without breaking a sweat. The older man would probably celebrate _hardcore _after doing so too. Maybe drink his blood afterwards.

And besides, a two second death would just be too slow.

"Just forget I said anything." Wally sighed. "Could you tell me anything about the Ichi-whosa place?"

"It's Uchiha."

"Yeah. That. Same thing."

"That is not your business to know."

"Hey! I almost got deep fried saving the guy's daughter. I think I deserve some answers."

Kakashi was silent for a moment, basically making Wally really nervous. The speedster uneasily considered the possibility that Kakashi was secretly planning his imminent demise. A couple excruciating seconds trickled by. Wally shifted uncomfortably. Nothing bad- like the speedster's head spontaneously imploding- seemed to happen. Wally supposed that was a good thing.

"No chakra," said Kakashi quietly.

"Huh?" Well, at least he didn't say something like _I keel you, _or worse, _You make me feel good. _'Cause that would be creepy, surpassing the levels of weirdness Wally could handle at the moment.

"Hm," said Kakashi, sounding vaguely disappointed. "It didn't work."

"What? What's going on?" Wally said nervously, trying not to sound completely clueless. Which was, to say the least, difficult, seeing as appearing to have Bat-level intellect wasn't exactly his cup of tea.

"Genjutsu," said Kakashi.

...Yeah, 'cause apparently, Wally had the words _BABEL FISH TRANSLATOR _inscribed on his forehead. Really, he would like to know what these neologisms meant, or perhaps his hearing was acting up again because the horrific noise that Kakashi just made couldn't quite possibly be a real word.

Or perhaps the older man was just cursing at Wally.

"Um...is it stupid to ask what that is?" Wally asked tentatively. "New guy here, remember? I haven't quite caught up to the slang here yet..."

But Kakashi seemed to have settled into an obstinate silence. That was never good, since obstinate silence equalled diabolical plans in thought (at least, for villains) and Wally would lose his only talking partner, even if it was Kakashi, who Wally now had a healthy disrespect for regarding conversational skills. That would then lead to boredom, and that was worse than never good.

The door slid open.

Wally sprung up in relief, and then slumped through the realisation that he was probably going to get interrogated...again. Except, this time would most likely be exponentially worse, seeing as it was a vampire he was going to be talking to now. Swapping life stories with a blood-sucking fiend wasn't on his list of _Things To Do before I die_, but then again, neither was having a holiday to another universe one.

Surprisingly, the white-eyed man silently exchanged a look with Kakashi, brushing past the speedster without a second glance. Wally jerked his head back and forth between the two. It was obvious that some sort of non-verbal communication was going on, and Wally wasn't sure what to make of that.

Death stare which could explode a planet from the vampire. _I say we eat him. _

Imperceptible shake of head, kudos from Kakashi. _No. We have to cook him first. _

The beginnings of a frown. _Baked or fried? _

Head tilt. _I say boiled. It's been a while since my last diet. _

Wally gave up in his interpretations. Reading body language didn't seem to come naturally to the speedster. Oh wait, the black haired guy was turning towards Wally now. Best to buck up before he became fast food.

"Thank you." Wally blinked as the man gave the stiffest nod in human history. "For saving my daughter."

"Uh," said Wally. What was he supposed to say to that? He had been prepared to give a heart-warming speech over his inedibility, but not this. "Er, it's cool-" _Heroic words. Heroic words. _"Just-er, don't let your kid roam into burning houses. It's kinda dangerous."

The man shot another look at Kakashi, who was either smirking or trying not to throw up. It was a smidgen difficult to read mouth contortions under a mask. Wally didn't even bother to understand that one.

"Three days," said Kakashi. Right. He _was _smirking. Smug bastard. "Three days until the third part of the Chuunin Exams begins. What do you say to that, Hiashi?"

"I am well aware of this." The guy sounded like he was trying to force a porcupine out of an area where a porcupine has never been forced out before. The speedster considered asking if the older man was okay, but then again, he rather liked where his head was at the moment; on his shoulders and _not _rolling across the ground.

And what was this about the three parts to the Chuunin Exam? Damn book, _Five Easy Steps to Becoming a Ninja _was going on a one way trip down the toilet. He was so getting a refund. Wally didn't like surprises, unless they involved jumping castles and heaps and heaps of food. From the sounds of it, the Chuunin Exams had neither.

"Whoa, back up a second there." Wally swallowed. "I have an exam in three days and no one told me? That's kinda _crucial _info and all-"

"_He's _taking the exam?" Hiashi glared arsenic-dipped daggers at Kakashi. Wally winced; the tone of intense disgust was unnecessary, in his honest opinion.

"It is open news for those who still visit the Hokage," said Kakashi calmly.

Presumably, this was a barb, seeing as the guy began to do that creepy eye-bulging-vein-raising-undead-looking thing again. Was it some sort of meta-power? If that was the case, Wally sincerely hoped those eyes couldn't do anything weird, like seeing through people's clothes. Because that's just...wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

The idea seemed even more wrong as Hiashi was currently glaring at Kakashi. If he let those eyes drift a little lower...

Wally tried to ignore himself.

"Hatake...We need to talk." Wow, Wally never knew one could grind their teeth that much, although Bats could give the guy a run for his money.

"Later."

"_Now." _

"I'll...just...leave or something? You two seem to be having a swell conversation."

"Three days, West. The Hokage Tower in three days."

"_Hatake._"

"Fine, I'm coming."

And then they left. Out a window. Because doors were evidently outdated.

Just like that.

Leaving Wally wondering to what degree of screwage-sewage he had gotten himself mid-waist in this time. The feeling was becoming all too familiar for his liking.

And Wally was hungry again.

...

It wasn't until he got back to the apartment when he realised that he still didn't know anything about the Ichiwa Compound, or whatever monstrosity it was called. Kakashi had effectively dodged the question, answering exactly zero of what Wally asked, while the speedster himself had answered about half a million.

It just wasn't fair.

…

Wally woke up with a start.

His head was pounding lightly, and his throat was drier then the Sahara desert. The dim moonlight emanating behind his closed curtains told him that it was a smidgeon past dusk, which was nowhere near his rise-and-shine time. Regardless, he felt the urge to get up, despite the lack of bladder emergencies at the hour. Blearily, the speedster glanced momentarily at the fluttering curtains, realising a little too late that the dull lighting was also illuminating a figure at his window sill. A figure which had black hair sheathing its entire, diabolical face.

Now, as much as Wally would like to deny it, he wasn't exactly brave through all this. But then again, if a ghost appeared in front of _anyone _at this ungodly hour, he was sure even Batman would have lost it, just a little.

"Oh, my gawd!" Wally attempted to leap and ended up tumbling out of bed, bumping his nose on the way down. He seized the closest object- an empty glass- and hurled it at what could quite possibly be the devil. It missed wildly, rebounding off the window pane and shattered into a thousand, irredeemable pieces on the floor.

"Who are you and why are you watching me sleep?" Wally cried frantically.

"That's certainly _rude_," sniffed the ghost. "I hope you don't act like that all the time."

A nightmare. It was a nightmare. He _knew _he shouldn't have eaten all those chocolate-chip cookies before sleeping. Wally pinched himself painfully.

…Well, there goes the nightmare idea.

Maybe it was an illusion. A very elaborate illusion, designated for those with a vivid imagination or had watched _The Grudge _a little too many times. Unfortunately, the scarlet speedster fell into both categories.

"Well?" The demon spawn snootily added. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

Over his cold, dead body! Although that currently seemed to be in arrangement, seeing as his heart was going faster than a hummingbird's wings at the moment and he was thus likely to drop over, stone cold dead, from cardiac arrest in the next two seconds. To Wally's horror, the manifestation of pure evil rolled its eyes at him, then yanked open the window, leaping inside.

Wally recoiled out of fear, disgust and morbid fascination. "S-Stay away! I-er- already sold my soul to the Speed Force and some hot bikini chicks a while ago. You're off by a year, thanks for your time."

The demon placed both hands (or claws, Wally wasn't sure from the bad lighting) on its hips. "Are you saying I'm not attractive?"

"Nonono!" The speedster thought quickly. "Your stringy tresses are the centre of every man's fantasy-" _Thinkthinkthink- _"-And, dude, that gown...thing...you're wearing. Beats any swimsuit model I can think of."

What the _fuck _was he saying? Clearly, the combination of blinding terror, sleepiness and a _really _bad day was causing his brain to malfunction. He couldn't _believe _he was having this conversation. "Wait...you're not going to _eat _me, are you? 'Cause I taste like crap- literally! I'm pretty sure I've stepped on at least a billion breeds of doggie doo in my treks around the world. And insects. Lots of insects. I think I decapitated a snake once with my foot by accident. A poisonous snake! See, I think that'll give you some seriously bad indigestion. You might die! Er...if you still can."

"What the hell are you talking about?" The ghost asked irritably.

Wally backtracked immediately. "Sorry! I mean, I'm cool if you have dodgy eating habits- wait a second!" The speedster moved back a little and stared, wide eyed at the figure. "You're that girl from before!"

"Perceptive." She sniffed.

"Aren't you meant to be in hospital?" Wally asked.

"Aren't you?" She shot back.

Wally hasn't got a comeback for that. A hasty change of topic would be in order. "How did you get here?" –and then with dawning realisation- "I'm on the fourth floor!"

The girl shot him a look which told him the massive misfortune it was to have him appear before her eyes. "Big deal."

"But you're like, five years old!"

"I'm nine, you idiot!"

"Look..." Wally rubbed at his face. His mind was still up, up and away with several, well-endowed females or whatever he had been dreaming prior to the rude interruption. With a sickening feeling, the speedster realised that he had said the words, 'man's fantasy' to a little girl. He was definitely getting a first-class ticket with complimentary torture sessions going to hell. "Just... sit down or something. Mind the glass."

Surprisingly, the girl obliged, albeit grudgingly which was a major improvement in comparison to the Hades' impression she was giving earlier.

"You wanna drink or something?" Good, so his manners were still functioning at four in the morning. Wally fumbled for the lights, knocking down a pot plant and a glinting pair of knives (when did that get there?) before flicking them on. He pulled the fridge door open, only to realise a little belatedly that it was stark empty. The fridge had been initially stocked with enough food to last a normal person two weeks. Wally had naturally finished it all off within one day.

Wait...there was something dark at the back corner of the fridge. Wally briefly debated with himself whether to check it out or not: curiosity versus the possibility of contracting a viral infection. As usual, curiosity won out, and on closer inspection, the dark splotch proved to be a pile of rat droppings with, oh, maybe a couple of decades' worth of mould on them.

The rat however, was nowhere to be seen.

The fridge had been cleaned out by a _seriously _hungry Wally the day before. His stomach gave an uneasy lurch; and Wally doubted that it was the hunger pangs again.

The speedster slammed the fridge door close with a nervous laugh. "Let's just forget about the drink for now." And the rat. Digested or not. "You're Hambur- _Hanabi_, yeah?"

"Hmph," she said haughtily, crossing her arms. "And you're Wally West?"

"Uh, yeah." Wally was beginning to like her unconscious better. "I guess it's nice to meet you and all. Why are you here?" At this ungodly hour?

"I wanted to see the person who saved me," she said. Wally got approximately four seconds to preen before she added, "You don't seem like anything special. A bit stupid, perhaps."

"Now, wait a second..." Wally protested. Now that was just mean. He wasn't expecting hymns of praise on bended knee or anything, but direct insults seemed over the top. Talk about ungrateful treatment.

"It's hard to believe that you're actually a special chuunin," she continued as if he was merely a stray gorilla. Wait. Back up a second. He was a what now? "Or perhaps you just suck. What kind of sissy retakes the Chuunin Exams?"

"Whoa, I'm a what? A special chuunin?" Why was he always the last to know about things involving him? "Since when?"

She shot him a look of disgust that forcefully reminded Wally of her father. Well, the apple never fell far from the tree... Wally rubbed his face again, and sat down on his bed. Really, the mental image of the scowling undead wasn't what Wally wanted to think about at this time...or ever.

"Lame," she retorted. "Don't even know your own rank."

"Hey, I never took any Chuunin Exams!"

"Liar. You're not even a _good _one."

"I think I'll remember doing it! Taking some ninja exam is stuff that sticks to one's memories, you know!"

Hanabi shot the speedster another nasty look, then closed her eyes. As Wally wondered what the hell she was doing, she clasped her hands together and literally stopped breathing. Wally apprehensively deliberated over if he had actually killed her; when her eyes shot open again, all-vein-and-bulge-and-all-kinds-of-goodness.

Wally squawked ungracefully and took a step back.

**..**

**I am going to become a god damn annoyance from this chapter and now on. But really, is it that hard to click on the little blue button below this text and REVIEW? My hits are still frozen at 7 hits per chapter, but I can still see my favs and alerts, people. I sincerely thank you for that, but numbers are numbers, and I need to add faces/personalities to them. **

**To those who are also authors, you must understand the high motivation one gets from a review. Just ONE brings some warmth into my stone-cold heart. **

**I'm not exactly angry, per se. Just…sad. **

**...And I hate school. So very. very much. **

**Anyways, the actual Chuunin Exams... are coming up. Fun fun fun. Well, not for Wally. **


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